Definitely Not The June Swoon
June is a time for high school graduations (colleges and universities had their graduations a month earlier), the beginning of rerun season on television, the release of the first summer movie blockbusters, and the appearance of billions of fireflies. It is when winter sports like the National Basketball Association and the National Hockey League finally end their overlong seasons, and Flag Day is observed by virtually no one outside of the most patriotic groups. It is also when Father’s Day, gay/lesbian/transgender pride parades, church festivals, the summer solstice, and Alfred Kinsey’s (the sexologist at Indiana University who is sometimes called the “Father of the Sexual Revolution”) and Clarence Thomas’ (the Supreme Court justice who did his part in the Sexual Revolution by talking at length about Long Dong Silver and pubic hairs in Coke cans to Anita Hill) birthdays are celebrated.
In short, it is my favorite time of the year.
One reason I adore June so much is that it is the beginning of summer. You no longer have to wear a coat when you go outside or go to the trouble of scraping off the ice off the windshields of your cars. Unless a rainstorm of Biblical portions occurs, you can swim or barbecue, go camping, or have a leisurely picnic everyday without suffering on most days the oppressive heat and humidity that occurs in late July and August. Also, June is when millions of people come up with the bright idea of taking a family vacation. Some may just go to a nearby Holiday Inn or Kampground of America for their summer jollies, while others may go on a cross country junket like the Griswold family in National Lampoon’s Vacation or visit exotic places like the jungles of the Amazon or war-torn Pakistan so that they can describe ad nauseum about what they did on their vacations to bored family and friends.
Another reason June is a great month is that golf takes center stage in the sporting world. While I am a big fan of baseball and horse racing and enjoying watching football and basketball, golf just might be my favorite sport. I grew up in a family of golfers and dreamed as a child that I would someday play alongside Jack Nicklaus or Arnold Palmer in a major tournament. While I abandoned this dream when I discovered I played more like Natalie Wood than Tiger Woods, I never lost my interest in golf.
Every Father’s Day Weekend, a nirvana for golf fans occurs. It is when the United States Open is contested (this year it will be held at the Congressional Country Club outside of Washington, DC). I usually spend some time on Father’s Day eating a huge bag of potato chips, drinking a cold root beer (I do not like real beer because it gives me severe headaches and usually tastes like horse urine), and watching the world’s greatest golfers struggle like Roman gladiators to win this tournament. I silently ooh and ahh when Woods or Ernie Els or Phil Mickelson hit a great tee shot or sink a birdie putt on the 18th hole.
But there are other reasons why I love June besides the start of summer and golf. First, June is the month of my birthday. Having a June birthday is great is because it is like having Christmas every six months. For my special day, my loved ones can buy me a ton of presents becasue they have long paid off the costs of buying gifts during the holiday season. Not only that, I can eat a sumptous feast (not to metion all the birthday cake and ice cream I want) just like I do on Thanksgiving and Christmas.
In addition, June is the month of my wedding anniversary. I cannot believe I have been married for four years. It seems just yesterday or least last month that I said my wedding vows; tried to dance the Twist and the Electric Slide at my reception; and spent my honeymoon at such romantic hot spots as the Kinter House in Corydon, Ind., and the Apple Valley Resort near Jamestown, Ky. Time certainly does fly when you are a married man.
So I will enjoy June as much as I can. Before I know it, winter will be back with a vengeance.
Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day
“June, not Christmas, is the most wonderful time of the year.”