More Things That Are Bugging Me
At last, spring is about to spring upon us.
Within the next few weeks, flowers and trees will start blooming, the cries of “Play ball!” will be heard at stadiums across the country, people will be heading to the parks for picnics, songbirds will be warbling at full blast, dewy-eyed seniors will be graduating from high school and college, and women will start wearing bikinis again.
Not only that, people will be fleeing to their basements to escape cataclysmic tornadoes, muggers and flashers will be prowling the streets, the odor of skunks will permeate the nighttime sky, and bears will be cavorting in the forests after long winter naps.
And swarms of insects will start coming out of the woodwork.
Since bug season is nearly here, I think this is the perfect time to write a post about some of the things in life that are bugging me:
The winter of 2013-2014. This winter has gone on for too *@&! long. I am sick and tired of shoveling show and wearing more coats than Nanook of the North, and I am even more sick and tired of worrying about the electric power going off due to impending ice storms. If there is harsh weather next year, maybe I will take a hint from my feathered friends and head south to Florida.
Marshmallow peeps. The one candy that makes my teeth ache. Plus, fluorescent yellow, pink, and blue chicks look like something out of a poultry LSD trip. Ugh.
Duke University basketball. Another March Madness, another appearance of Duke in the NCAA tournament. And more pornographic gushing by sportscasters over the Blue Devils and Mephistopheles (aka Mike Krzyzewski or Coach K). While the Blue Devils have been a hell of a team for decades, most true blue college hoops junkies outside of Durham, N.C., wants them to go–where else?–hell in the worst way.
The return of Daylight Savings Time. I always hate losing one hour of sleep on the second Sunday in March. But at least the sun will not set long before the six o’clock news.
Another season of Chicago Cubs baseball. The less said, the better, though the new Berenstain Bear-like mascot might draw some kids to Wrigley Field. Wait ’till next year and probably the next decade after that and the next decade after that, Baby Bruin fans.
Reruns in March and April. Now that the February ratings weeks are over, reruns will be on all the time until May except for sports, news, and an occasional special. Is there anything more aggravating in the world than flipping through 570 channels and seeing nothing but the “same old, same old”?
The Masters. Actually, I enjoy watching the Masters, but I am irate that I am such a mediocre golfer I have never gotten the chance to wear a green jacket or at least hobnob with Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson and Jack Nicklaus at the 19th hole. Oh well, not everybody in the world can drive for show and putt for dough.
Mowing lawns. If I have my druthers, I would never cut the grass. But then the neighbors will start complaining that my lawn looks like a weed patch. So every two to three weeks, I have to sweat up a storm and to curse the crabgrass and the dandelions that popped up above the ground while lugging a cumbersome lawnmower. Incredibly, I even start fantasizing about the wonderful times I had shoveling snow.
I have written so much about the things that are making me buggy I now have an uncontrollable urge to go to the store and buy–you guessed it–some bug spray. I don’t want to go bug-eyed when spiders, ticks, fleas, wasps, roaches, termites, flies, mosquitoes, ants, silverfish, earwigs, crickets, grasshoppers, aphids, and other loathsome little creatures from the bowels of earth start making my home their home.
Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day
I wouldn’t mind bugs if they were like Bugs Bunny.