A Soapbox Chat With Al Tureegogh

Posted by OrdinaryJoe - February 5, 2016 - Al Tureegogh, Features, Space, Sports - No Comments
alter▲ego narcissistic offer . .
. .Jef Safi. . via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

“Hi, Ordinary Joe.”
Hey, Al Tureegogh. It’s been a while since you have visited my soapbox.
“Yes. I’ve missed you.”
The Super Bowl is coming up. Who do you think will win?
“At this moment, I would chose the Carolina Panthers, though sentimental fans will certainly root for the Denver Broncos because of Peyton Manning. The Panthers may just be the most overlooked 15-1 team of all time. Maybe because they play in Charlotte, which is NASCAR, pro wrestling, and Billy Graham country, rather than in a major media market like New York, Chicago, or Boston, are people not overly excited over the Panthers.”
Another major sporting event that is occurring is the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue? Are you going to buy a copy?
“Uh-huh. However, I will probably keep it under lock and key. If my wife catches me ogling at the beauties modeling microscopic bikinis, I will probably be waterboarded and have my eyes gouged out. Then, I will be forced to go to church and confess all of the sins of the flesh I have committed since I was a Cub Scout.”
Speaking of religion, Ash Wednesday occurs next week. Are you giving up anything for Lent?
“I’m giving up broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and zucchini. Oh, I forgot, I haven’t eaten those vegetables this century.”
And Valentine’s Day occurs on February 14. Have you bought anything for your sweetie?
“Hell, no. However, I have written a love poem for V Day:
Roses are red,
So are fire trucks.
If you are interested
I will give you–a few bucks
That’s a pretty lousy poem.
“Hey, I’m write poetry more like Homer Simpson than Homer. Here’s another one I wrote a couple of days ago. I think you might like it better:
Roses are red.
Cat’s meow.
And you are also
The cat’s meow
Uh, Al, I think you should be writing classified ads than poems.
“Do you think some of the stuff written by e e cummings, Allen Ginsburg, and T.S. Eliot was great? If you do, I have a couple literary swamplands in Brooklyn I would like to sell you.”
Or maybe you should about write about politics. Even though you are not a campaign worker, a lobbyist, or a guy who runs for dogcatcher every four years, you seem to know about the political world more than the average blabbermouth on the Sunday talk shows.
“I always have fantasized about being a political maven, even though I had a hard time passing my political science courses in college.”
I will need some help writing posts about the 2016 presidential election.
“Can I be your assistant?”
Okay, you can help me. It’s been great meeting you, Al.
“And it’s been great meeting you, Ordinary Joe. You want to go to Washington sometime and do a few Lewinskys with interns? I’d bet we get some real dirt about politics.
In your wet dreams, buddy, in your wet dreams.

Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day

Politicians are like your annoying in-laws–you wish they would shut up and go away.

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