What Bugs Me Now
It’s summertime, and once again, the bugs are out in full force.
For the past several weeks, our house has been plagued with swarms of bumblebees. While bumblebees are pretty to look at, I have been advised their sting is painful. Not only that, there is the threat of the Zika virus. I am a little afraid that if I get attacked by a mosquito, I might come down with a disease that sounds like a character from a Planet of the Apes movie.
But they are many things that bug me besides the creatures that fly, sting, and make life miserable during the hottest months of the year. Here are a few examples:
Election 2016. When your major candidates for president are Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, you have an overwhelming urge to call your friendly exterminator. More and more, I am longing for the days when Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford were presidential timber. True, Ford and Carter were mediocre commanders-in-chief, and true both Carter and Ford had enormous faults (Ford was a klutz while Carter lusted in his heart), but at least they were pretty clean livers and candidates you didn’t feel like you have to wear Eau de Insecticide and a clothespin on your nose on Election Day.
Movie sequels and remakes. I know summer is to Hollywood what December is to retailers, but the annual barrage of sequels and remakes to lure people into theaters makes me cringe. This summer, there is another Star Trek movie, another Batman and Superman movie, another Tarzan movie, another Independence Day movie, another Captain America movie, another X-Men movie, another Alice in Wonderland movie, another Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles move, a remake of Ghostbusters, and even a remake of Pete’s Dragon. Can’t anyone in Tinsel Town in June, July, and August be like Monty Python and make something that’s completely different? Maybe this type of movie won’t do boffo box office, but at least it will be something else than the new adventures of the same old, same old heroes, antiheroes, and superheroes.
School in late July. A couple of days ago, I saw kids heading back to school. I am one of those softies who believes school should start around Labor Day. Kids should have the summer to build sand castles; swim; play baseball, soccer, water polo, and Marco Polo; cook hot dogs, Hamburger Helper, and s’mores at summer camp; visit national parks and historic sites; and just relax. They shouldn’t be learning the Three Rs and giving teachers dirty looks during the middle of a brutal heat wave.
Yard work. During the Fourth of July weekend, I had to hack down acres of weeds that were in our backyard. By the time I was finished, I felt more sore than if I spent a weekend at boot camp in Parris Island. From time to time, I wish a blizzard would strike during the middle of July. But then I would have to shovel sidewalks and driveways, and that is as backbreaking as cutting up kudzu vines.
Hot weather. Naturally, summer is the time for hot weather. And naturally, I start cursing at the sun because I am a person who just can’t cope with sizzling temperatures. In fact, I’m so steamed up I don’t feel like writing anymore. So I am going to make like a housefly and buzz off.
Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day
The only good bug is the one that isn’t a nuisance.