Country and Western Song Titles In Celebration of the Eclipse

Posted by OrdinaryJoe - August 19, 2017 - Features, Music, Space - No Comments

You better watch out, you better not cry. Even though Santa Claus won’t be coming to town for months, a total solar eclipse will occur on August 21.

Millions of people are flocking to burgs like St. Joseph, Missouri, Carbondale, Illinois, and Hopkinsville, Kentucky to get a good view of the eclipse. In my neck of the woods, the eclipse won’t be total, but about 95 percent of the sun will turn black. As they say, that’s good enough for government for a total eclipse. Even better, at work, the totality of the eclipse will be occurring during one of my coffee-break times, so I can go outside and drink a Mountain Dew (the soft drink, not moonshine–drinking the hard stuff at work is STRICTLY VERBOTEN) and eat some Sun Chips without being castigated by my supervisors.

Perhaps the reason so many people are going wild over the sun going dark for a couple of minutes is that total solar eclipses are about as common as Detroit Lions appearances in the Super Bowl. The last time this type of eclipse happened in the United States in 1979, Jimmy Carter was president, disco music was the rage, the Dallas Cowboys were America’s team (unfortunately, they still are), people wore polyester leisure suits while sipping pina coladas and guzzling Billy Beer, Bill Gates was more obscure than Horatio Gates (the hero of the Battle of Saratoga in the American Revolution), Apple was something you eat, Ayatollah Khomeini was the leader of Iran, Fantasy Island and the Love Boat were on the tube, and classic rock songs were played for the first time.

At An Ordinary Joe’s Soapbox, I like to follow the notion of “dare to be different”. Hence, this is probably the only blog in cyberspace that will celebrate the upcoming Eclipse Day with country and western eclipse-related song titles. I hope some grinner and picker in Nashville or some astronomer with a hillbilly musical bent will put some music and words to these titles. But even if that doesn’t happen, just smile, especially when the sun turn darker than a woman catching her husband cheatin’ and drinkin’ (a subject that has launched a million country and western songs).

“You Were the Sunshine of My Life Until Your Body Had a Total Eclipse”.
“The Sun Ain’t Shinin’ In My Old Kentucky Home, but the Moonshine Is”.
“I’ve Got a New Telescope, So Let Me See Your Moons”.
“When the Mood Is Right and the Lights Are Out, I Shine Like the Sun”.
“Your Heavenly Body Is in Front of the Sun but I Don’t Care”.
“Wait ‘Till the Sun Shines Nellie ‘Fore You Get Some Nookie from Me”.
“Here Comes the Sun, and I Am in a Black Mood ‘Cause I’m Too Drunk to Pee”.
“You’re Mean and Ugly, So I’ll Stick It Where the Sun Don’t Shine”.
“‘Cause You Make Me Barf, I Ran Faster than the Speed of Light to the Outhouse With the Moon Door”.
“I Saw the Light When I Was Caught Cheatin’ In the Dark”.
“Fly Me to the Moon ‘Fore I’m Nailed by that Son of a Gun* Cop”.
“The Sun Also Rises but My Manhood Didn’t When That Moon Faced Hussy Mooned Me.”
“I May Not Be the Sun King, but My Wife is the Queen of Darkness.”
“Let’s Do It in the Dark As Long It Doesn’t Come to Light.”

Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day

Sunshine and moonshine have one thing in common–they make you warm all over.

*Yeah, yeah, I could had used that word that rhymes with glitch, but I am in a politically correct mood.

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