I Want My Internet and A New National Pastime?

Posted by OrdinaryJoe - October 21, 2018 - Features, Sports, What Bugs ME - No Comments

Due to technical difficulties beyond my control, I didn’t have the Internet last week at the Ordinary Joe domicile. That’s okay–I had another bout with writer’s block, and my post was pretty forgettable.

I missed not having the Internet. I use the Internet in so many ways from keeping up with current events to listening to some of my favorite songs to watching clips of Monty Python and SCTV episodes (I epically love the “Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition” skit–the Pythons were brilliant in twerking historical events) to reading my e-mail. And I am amazed that just two decades ago, I was terrified being around personal computers. I was baffled by computer jargon, I didn’t know how to work a mouse, and I could destroy data easier than picking a winner in a one horse race.

Now if I don’t spend hours around my computer, I feel like I am naked and afraid–as well as disappointed–in the tundra. Thank you Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and all you Silicon Valley nerds–you were able to convert a technophobe like me into a computer freak.

It’s October. Time for some World Series chatter.

This year, the Boston Red Sox and the Los Angeles Dodgers will be competing in the Fall Classic. Zzzzzzz. I never liked the Red Sox because for eons, their fans and baseball documentarian Ken Burns whined about the “Curse of the Bambino”. At least the Sox made the World Series every now and then from the time Babe Ruth first donned Yankees pinstripes in 1920 to the end of the Bambino Curse in 2004. Try being a Chicago Cubs fan in which the Baby Bruins never appeared in a World Series in over 70 years. And the Cubs suffered many more curses than the Sox. This is the team that had to endure Babe Ruth’s “called shot” in 1932, the College of Coaches in the early 1960s, the black cat scampering across Shea Stadium in 1969, Lee Elia’s Quintuple X-rated tirade of Cubs fans in 1983, and “Butterfingers” Leon Durham in 1984. And how could I forget the Billy Goat and Steve Bartman curses? If there ever was a snake bitten franchise in baseball, it was the Cubs until they finally won it all in 2016.

As for the Dodgers, they’re like the Yankees–they have been in so many World Series I just can’t root for them. Plus, the Dodgers put the fair in the fair-weather fans. True, the Dodgers have drawn a gazillion fans to Chavez Ravine since 1962. And true, Dodger Stadium is arguably the most magnificent baseball facility that isn’t an old-time classic ballpark like Wrigley Field and Fenway Park or a retro stadium like Camden Yards. But Dodgers fans are notorious for leaving ball games early to beat the notorious southern California freeway traffic. True baseball buffs like me will always stick around until the last out because we know it ain’t over till it’s over.

So who will win the Series? Like Clark Gable in Gone With the Wind, I just don’t give a damn. Nowadays, I’m more interested in seeing who will be fighting in the next MMA (mixed martial arts) pay-per-view spectacular. Unless baseball, MMA is always exciting or at least unpredictable–just watch the latest Conor McGregor travesty. MMA matches also don’t last for at least four hours like World Series games, so fans won’t fall asleep watching fighters pummel each other.

Maybe MMA should become the new National Pastime. As General George S. Patton once said, “Americans love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle”. And MMA is a sport that provides the sting of battle in spades.

Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day

Baseball may not be like life, but life wouldn’t be the same without baseball.

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