It’s Great to be Irish–And Great to Write Naughty Limericks

Posted by OrdinaryJoe - March 17, 2019 - Features - No Comments

Yahoo! It’s St. Patrick’s Day!

As a man who has quite a few ancestors from the Emerald Isle, I would like to list some of the reasons it is great to be Irish, especially on St. Patrick’s Day:

Leprechauns.
Leprechaun movies (like Plan Nine from Outer Space, Yongary Monster From the Deep, and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, Leprechaun movies are so indescribably bad they’re actually great)
Shamrocks.
Shamrock shakes.
Potatoes.
Irish Spring soap.
Great songs like “It’s a Long Way to Tipperary”, “Danny Boy”, and “My Wild Irish Rose”.
Great singers like John McCormack, Bing Crosby, the Clancy Brothers, Celtic Woman, the Irish Tenors, and the Priests.
Great rock bands like Thin Lizzy and U2.
Great writers like Sean O’Casey, William Butler Yeats, and James Joyce (though Ulysses was a pretty salacioous book).
Curlers and rugby players.
Fighters like John L. Sullivan, “Gentleman” Jim Corbett, Jim Jefferies, Gene Tunney, Billy Conn, and Conor McGregor (though any more, McGregor’s most memorable fights have occurred outside of the ring).
Fightin’ Irish football (yeah, I know the Fightin’ Irish about as Irish as Lucky Charms, but I still root for them when they play against gridiron heels like Alabama, Clemson, and USC).
Pubs.
Whiskey.
Ales like Guinness,
Colleens in mini-mini skirts dancing jigs. That’s when my Irish eyes truly start smiling.
Celtic art.
Celtic lace.
Celtic crosses.
The Boston Celtics except when they play against any other NBA team (like the Boston Red Sox and the Boston/New England Patriots, the Celts have won way too many championships).

And above all, naughty limericks.

March 17 is a great day to write limericks that would make the most ardent sensualist leer. If you are offended by raunchy subject matter, go look at one of those clean blogs that won’t offend the most prudish Celtic cleric. Otherwise, have some Irish whisky, mead, ale, or even coffee and enjoy reading these limericks!

There was a Dubliner named Finn
Who liked whiskey, ale, and gin.
He met a fair lass
Not pretty, alas
But still they lived in sin.

A crazed old pilot on Aer Lingus
Had an assistant who was a dingus
He liked to screw
All the pretty stews
Before doing mile high cunnilingus.

Even though it’s St. Patrick’s Day, you gotta have a Nantucket limerick:

A dirty old Celt from Nantucket
Knew exactly where to suck it.
He did tongue
With girls so young
In every large city but Pawtucket.

And finally, here is not a limerick but a little piece of dog waste doggerel called “A Limerick Poem”:

Something that is usually not seen
Is a limerick that is clean.
Limericks are not for prudes
Like sonnets and etudes.
The best ones are like jokes—
Aimed solely for the adult folks.
If your mind is dirtier than oil slicks
By all means, write dozens of limericks!

Now off to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. Erin go bragh! (I don’t know what that means, but it sounds good among Irishmen when they are drinking and brawling).

Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day

If I had the luck of the Irish, all of my pots would be filled with gold.

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