May Writer’s Block

Posted by OrdinaryJoe - May 18, 2019 - Features, Flicks, Politics, Sports, TV, Writing - No Comments

Once again, I am at a loss of words. This time, I am suffering from “May Writer’s Block”.

Next to June, May is my favorite month of the year. The winter chill is over, and the oppressive heat of summer is still a couple of months away. Flowers are blooming in the neighborhood gardens. Talking a walk around the neighborhood is delightful. However, it is also an adventure because my dog acts like a wild wolf and loves to talk (actually bark) to the local mutts.

So many events occur during May that I need a scorecard to keep track of them. The Kentucky Derby, the Preakness, the Indianapolis 500, high school proms, college graduations, the NBA and NHL playoffs, May Day, Mother’s Day, Armed Forces Day, and Memorial Day occur during this time of the year. The PGA golf tournament is being held this weekend rather than during the dog days of August. In my hometown, a primary election is being held next week. I don’t know to vote for because lately I have been paying more attention to horse racing than to the fixed horse race known as politics.

May is when that folderol known as “sweeps weeks” occurs. Back in the medieval days of the 1980s and 1990s, I used to go gaga over sweeps week. It was the time when supremacists, strippers, whores, homosexuals, and transgenders would populate daytime talk shows It was also the time when flashy pseudo-historical miniseries (actually, bodice rippers with historical figures like Peter the Great and Napoleon)and raunchy TV movies with titles like My Mother’s Secret Life and Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? made their premieres. Even local TV shows got in the act because they would do titillating muckraking exposes on subjects like political embezzlers, porno parlors, prostitution, and prostate cancer.

With the rise of the Internet, streaming services, and smartphones, May sweeps weeks have pretty much lost their luster. Still, they can be occasionally be special because of season and series finales. Probably the Muller Report probably didn’t garner as much public attention as the finale of Game of Thrones.

And May is also time for me to start planning for my summer vacation. Already, I am looking at travel brochures, packing my suitcases, trying on my swimsuits (I look bigger and whiter than Moby Dick), and dabbing on some suntan lotion. I bought a grill and charcoal last week for backyard barbecues. Food always seems to taste better cooked out in the Great Outdoors than in a slimy kitchen.

Because the weather is so nice and so much is occurring during May, I just don’t want to write. While the pen may be mightier than the sword, it is not mighty enough to combat the allure of the fifth month of the year.

Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day

April may be the cruelest month of the year, but May is definitely the kindest.

P.S. Doris Day passed away this week. She was not the greatest actress in Tinseltown (though she was excellent in Alfred Hitchcock’s remake of The Man Who Knew Too Much), but she was one of the prettiest. Her rendition of “Que Sera, Sera” was one of the heartfelt songs just before Elvis would swivel his pelvis and conquer the music world. Even when she was in her nineties, Day was still stunningly attractive. I wish more starlets today would look more a Girl Next Door like Day than Women of the Town.

In addition, Tim Conway passed away. Although he starred in a number of wretched sitcoms and Disney flicks, Conway was one of the greatest ensemble comedians of all time. I remember one skit on The Carol Burnett Show in which he was on an airplane and a number of mishaps occurred. I don’t I laughed so hard until I saw the infamous Black Knight scene (“Just a Scratch. . . .Only a Flesh Wound”) in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Conway proved that a third or fourth banana slipping on a banana peel can be more fun than eating a banana split during a July heatwave.

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