More Things I Am Not Thankful for During Thanksgiving
Leftovers. For about a week after T-Day, I will be eating such delicacies as turkey tetrazzini, chili con turkey, turkey casseroles, turkey pizza, and hot fudge turkey sundaes. Even though I like turkey, eating so much poultry in such a short period of time is enough to make gobble. Even worse, dressing and cranberries start tasting weird a couple of days after Thanksgiving. Sometimes, I wish the pesky ravenous ants in old cartoons would come to my house and eat up the Thanksgiving leftovers. Then I wouldn’t have so much food to store in my refrigerator.
The return of Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life on the tube. I know I sound like a Scrooge when I say this, but I never really cared for It’s a Wonderful Life. It is so sweet and so Capra-corny that I get cavities by the time Clarence the Angel gets his wings. During the holiday season, I prefer watching Capra’s other Christmas film, Meet Joe Doe. Even though it was made in 1941, Meet John Doe’s interpretations on politics, corruption, and media manipulation could be ripped out of the front pages of any current newspaper. Gary Cooper is great as John Doe (aka “Long John” Willoughby), and his oration during the middle of the film is the greatest speech about John Does like me I have ever heard. And because Meet John Doe is a Capra film, it has a warm, fuzzy yuletide ending featuring Barbara Stanwyck giving a profound speech about the original John Doe (Jesus).
No Victoria Secret’s Fashion Show this year. Around this time of the year, Dirty Old Men like me huddle around our TVs to watch supermodels prance around in lacy lingerie. But I was disheartened reading a couple of days ago that Victoria Secret has cancelled its fashion show this year. Oh, drats, I guess I will have to turn to YouTube or a naughty web site to get my visual jollies.
Duke basketball. While Thanksgiving is a time for football, it is also a time for college basketball. And once again, Duke rules the roost, which means I am subject to a barrage of St. Duke stories. For the life of me, I can’t explain the media’s adoration of Duke. True, Duke is a great team and Coach K is a great coach, but there are a lot of other great teams with great coaches in college basketball that doesn’t get the lascivious attention the Dookies get. The media’s love affair and holier-than-thou image of Duke are two reasons I loathe the Durham hoopsters so much. Indeed, when any team–whether it is the Little Sisters of the Poor junior varsity squad or a juggernaut like UCLA during the Kareem Abdul-Jabbar era–plays against Duke, I hope the Dookies get stuffed like the proverbial Thanksgiving turkey.
Bad weather. With the possible exception of February, November is the ugliest time of the year when it comes to the weather. More often than not, the days are cold and rainy. Most of the leaves have fallen of the trees, the skies look like gunmetal gray battleships, nightfall comes early, and winter is nigh. Too bad a great holiday like Thanksgiving falls during a time in which the weather is so lousy. If Thanksgiving fell during the spring or even around Halloween time, it just might be the most wonderful time of the year.
I could go on and on detailing everything I don’t like about the turkey season, but then I would sound like a Thanksgiving Grinch. And I definitely not a Grinch during this time of the year. My mouth is already watering thinking about what I will be eating on Thanksgiving Day.
I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving, and please pass me another helping of mashed potatoes.
Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day
Give thanks during Thanksgiving, and give even more thanks if you don’t gain ten pounds by the beginning of December.