Predicitions For the Upcoming Year
The new year has come. I didn’t make any New Years resolutions except one–I will try to make An Ordinary Joe’s Soapbox the best blog in the galaxy. Even though I know blogging has become rather passé, I still enjoy getting on my little soapbox and opining on issues that interest me. And I hope my readers will enjoy reading my pearls of wisdom or at least semi-wisdom.
This is the time of the year in which people make predictions. Normally, I am about as good as forecasting as those sexy TV meteorologists who were hired more for posing in a raunchy lingerie catalog than their knowledge of Chinook winds and the jet stream. I don’t have a crystal ball, and I can’t see into the future like Nostradamus or the local bookie. While I follow my daily horoscope occasionally and enjoy reading the predictions made by tabloid astrologers, I don’t follow the stars except for reruns of Lost in Space and the shenanigans of the Hollyweird crowd. I can’t even predict what I will be eating for supper. More often than not, I impulsively shove something into the microwave or put a slab of cheese between two slices of bread.
I do like to predict events that are, in the words of horseplayers, sure things. And I am more than confident these events will be happening in 2020:
–The Cincinnati Bungles (once known as the Bengals), the Cleveland Brownies, and the Arizona Cardinal Sins will not be playing in the Super Bowl in February.
–Pee-Wee Herman will not win the Best Actor Oscar and Roseanne Barr will not win the Best Actress Oscar.
–Netflix will not be doing remakes of My Mother the Car, Cavemen, Hello Larry, and Heil Honey I’m Home.
–There won’t be an album featuring covers of Tiny Tim’s greatest hits (kiddies, he wasn’t the character from A Christmas Carol but rather a singer? from the 1960s who looked like pro wrestler Andre the Giant, played a ukulele like Don Ho, and sang like a howling tomcat undergoing puberty).
–President Donald Trump will be spending too much time tweeting and playing golf.
–Alexandria Octavio Cortez will not become a born again capitalist who will singing the praises of Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged.
–Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi will not be posing nude in Playboy.
–The fast food fried chicken sandwich wars will continue. It’s enough to make Colonel Sanders wince.
–Rightwing gasbag Laura Ingraham will not be rapping Nipsey Hustle’s tunes on Fox News.
–A Shetland pony will not win the Kentucky Derby.
–Spats, cardigan sweaters, bobby sox, skinny ties, and hair shirts won’t be making comebacks in the fashion world.
–The Summer Olympics will be occurring in Tokyo, Japan. It will give me a chance to get caught up on sports that are not shown on ESPN like water polo, modern pentathlon, synchronized swimming, and rhythmic gymnastics.
—Drag Queens Dancing with the Stars While Doing Integral Calculus and Fat Men Naked and Brave will not be hit reality series.
–Perhaps the two most worthiest candidates, Mickey Mouse and Pogo, will not be running for president again this year, alas.
–Joe Biden will really make himself a Democrat symbol (the three letter word for donkey) during the presidential debates.
–The sun will rise in the east and set in the west.
–Santa Claus will be returning on December 25. Can’t wait to see him again.
Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day
If I could see into the future, I would go blind.