What I Really Want for My Birthday and 500 Posts

Posted by OrdinaryJoe - June 23, 2020 - Features, The Big 59, Writing - No Comments

I’m gonna sing it loud, sing it proud–HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ORDINARY JOE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Even though I am an Old Fart, I am never too old for birthday cake and ice cream. Nor am I too old for birthday games like Spin the Bottle, Truth or Dare, Post Office, Marco Polo, Hi Bob, and that Naked Twister.

And I am especially not too old for birthday presents. I can receive enough gifts to sink a a Spanish galleon, yet I would feel like Dennis the Menace on Christmas morning when he says, “Is that’s all?”

If there is one thing I want for my birthday this year, it is definitely not my two front teeth. I lost those years ago, and I kind of distinctive looking like a professional hockey player.

Nor is it that filthy green stuff. It is always wonderful to have lots and lots of extra cash in my savings account, but I have found that money more often than not becomes nothing but trouble. Unlike Raymond Chandler, trouble is not my business because I hate being troubled with troubles.

And it is not a weekend with centerfolds. My skirt chasing days are long behind me, though my thoughts. . . .as my wife would say, THAT’S ENOUGH, JOE!

I am not even interested in getting a Nobel prize in literature, though I expect someday to get a call from the Nobel committee or even better, one of the beauties from a film like I Am Curious (Yellow). Just to be on the safe side, I should brush up on my Swedish and Norwegian. About the only Scandinavian words I know are smorgasbord, skoal, Greta Garbo, and Ingrid Bergman.

Instead, what I really want for my birthday is a return to normalcy. Thanks to coronavirus, I feel like I have been living a real-life version of a dystopian novel with all the lockdowns, mask wearing, restrictions on travel, and civil unrest. I just want to live in a time like February 2020 which I worried more about politics, take out orders at Mickey D’s, the Masked Superstar and Dancing with the Stars, and the fulsome praise of Duke University’s basketball team than social distancing. It was only several months ago yet it feels as antiquated as the Victorian Era. If Charles Dickens was writing A Tale of Two Cities during coronavirus, he might say it was the best of times at the beginning of the year, and now it is the worst of times.

Besides being my birthday, today is my anniversary. HIP HIP HOORAY!

And there is another special celebration at the Soapbox–this is my 500th post, give or take a couple. I would like to give 500 cheers to my blog! I am proud with my work on An Ordinary Joe’s Soapbox, and I still enjoy writing as much as when I created my first post way back in the troglodyte days of 2011.

Five hundred posts, five hundred posts–they have been like one of those Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, T-shirts–nothing but fun.

Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day

A birthday cake is better than sex for when it is good it is great and when it is bad it is still great.

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