Okay, Boomer, You’re Not a Student

Posted by OrdinaryJoe - September 13, 2020 - Features - No Comments

Ah, there are days when it is more than okay being an “Okay Boomer”. I don’t have to eat at the kiddie card table during family get-togethers; I don’t have to show an ID proving that I am old enough to drink; I can watch the most adult of adult movies; I can listen to the King’s (Elvis Presley) tunes on the “oldies” station and Prince’s ditties on the “classic rock” station; I can get my AAA, AARP, and various senior citizen discounts; I can play in shuffleboard tournaments; I can act wise even though I am usually a wise guy; and I can reminisce about the “good old days” around bored teens.

Now that students are back in school, I am glad I don’t have to be a schoolboy during the age of coronavirus.

After the first weeks of first grade, in which I barfed nearly every day, I loved going to school, even though I was harassed until my freshman year in college because I was the weirdo class klutz. Learning something new every day was as mind expanded as any mind expanding drug. I loved the smell of chalk dust and erasers in the morning—it felt so educational. I had a good rapport with most of teachers, even though I wasn’t always a model student. For instance, I am still embarrassed about the time in second grade in which I was caught on camera acting like Arnold Horshack (the teenager who put his hand up during class and yelled, “Ooh, ooh!”) from the 1970s sitcom Welcome Back, Kotter. Then there was the time I was spanked by my kindergarten teacher because I refused to read The Poky Little Puppy because I thought it was worse than the stuff that comes out of a puppy’s behind while taking a neighborhood walk. She muttered, “This is going to hurt me more than you”, but I wailed because I felt like I was being slugged by Roberto Duran–i.e., the boxer with the hands of stone.

I was in school for so long I became a professional student. People constantly asked me, “When are you going to graduate and go out in the real world.” I answered, “When I find myself.”

Eventually, I found myself wasting my time trying to pursue a graduate degree in an arcane field with few job prospects. I dropped out and never became a full-time student again, though I took a few adult extension courses about a decade ago because I still had the urge of having my mind expanded.

I can’t imagine what it would be like going to school nowadays. I probably would have to attend classes online rather than sitting behind a desk. Wearing a mask every day would be strange, especially in gym classes. Social distancing is next to impossible in school halls because they are not designed to accommodate students standing six feet apart. Unless you are in college and sometimes in high school, teachers don’t spend the entire day lecturing; instead, they are frequently closer than a movie closeup when they are trying to help you with difficult class assignments. Then there are the class bullies. They certainly are not going to keep six feet apart when they are giving wedgies to the freaks and the geeks.

School days, school days, dear old golden rule days. I am delighted those days are long behind me.

Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day

The best part of education is that it is so educational.

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