Ordinary Joe, A Nobel Prize Winner?

Posted by OrdinaryJoe - October 3, 2020 - Features, Politics, Sports, Writing - No Comments

Much has happened since I last stepped up on my soapbox. President Trump has contracted coronavirus, the first presidential s**tshow debate occurred, there is a Supreme Court vacancy, the Tampa Bay Lighting won the Stanley Cup, the Chicago Cubs played like the Cubs and were swept in the National League playoffs, the National Football League is in full swing, Fight Island occurred again, Swiss Skydiver won the Preakness, hurricanes have been more common than hurricane cocktails, and Mickey Rourke took off his gremlin mask on Masked Singer.

And I have been busy working on my acceptance speech should I win the Nobel Prize in literature.

I know my chances of winning the Nobel Prize are inestimably small. I am just a humble blogger, not someone who has created works of literature that are read in every high school and college English course in the country. But if some Swedish head honcho tell that I won the Nobel Prize, I will be heading off to the fanciest men’s store to buy myself a tux and a top hat. Then I will be watching Ingmar Bergman films and I Am Curious (Yellow) to get myself better acquainted with Scandinavian culture.

I don’t what it will be like getting a Nobel Prize during a time of coronavirus. Fortunately, Sweden is probably the most laissez-faire country in the world when it comes to the Big C, so I don’t have to worry too much about wearing a mask and social distancing. I probably can sit cheek to jowl with some royal during the Nobel Prize banquet. However, I will have to practice Emily Post etiquette and diplomatically say “Please gimme some croissants and pate de foie gras“. I don’t want to come across like a crude American bumpkin who doesn’t know how to use a napkin and eats a five course meal like Little Ralphie’s mother in A Christmas Story.

I will likely ski while I am in Scandinavia. Since about the only thing I know about skiing is watching slalom races during the Winter Olympics, I will probably have to go a ski instructor in Colorado or Utah to get some tips about hitting the Nordic slopes. And since the prizes will be handed out in December, I probably won’t be able to visit those infamous au naturel beaches. I won’t get the chance to see those lithe Swedish and Norwegian little mermaids getting the perfect tans. But at least I won’t get a sunburn while wearing nature’s own. I look like the Red Lobster lobster after spending an hour or two trying to look like a Hawaiian Tropic girl.

I will be ecstatic should I win the Nobel Prize. It is something pretty much every writer dreams about short of coming up with the Great American Novel or at least a novel that will pay the bills. But even if I don’t win, as us Chicago Cubs fans say, wait ’till next year or maybe the next decade.

Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day

Everybody wins when you are in a participant trophy contest.

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