This year, I have become completely agnostic towards politics. I wouldn’t vote for President Donald Trump or Joe Biden if you gave me a fistful of dollars at the polling booth. And what ever happened to intriguing third party candidates like Barry Commoner, Ralph Nader, Ron Paul, Ed Clark, and even Jesse “the Body” Ventura? We need alternatives to the Democratic and Republican monopoly more than ever, and yet the biggest third party is rapper Kayne West (actually, West doesn’t belong to any party). Sigh. I wish another West–i.e., Adam–was running. As Batman, West SOCKED! POWED! KAYOED! all the baddies in Gotham City. He even was elected mayor of Gotham City over dapper baddie Penguin, though he graciously transferred power back to Mayor Linseed and turned down running for president in 1968. In another episode, he stopped a epidemic when Penguin infected Gotham City’s currency with Lygerian Sleeping Sickness. This is the type of candidate we need to get this country back on the right track.
In addition, I agree more and more with perhaps the greatest philosopher of the 20th century, Linus Van Pelt, when he said there are three things he learned not to discuss with people–politics, religion, and the Great Pumpkin. I try to avoid talking about politics as much as possible. Anymore, I find there is less tolerance about opposing political views than in the bad old intolerant days of the 1980s. Much what passes for political discourse these days–especially on Twitter and Facebook–is something one would find at the bottom of a sewer. Nobel laureate Gunter Grass once said the purpose of citizen is to keep his mouth open. True, but I also agree with the World War II slogan–loose lips sinks ships. This is especially true when it comes politics.
Even my supreme political guru, Al Tureegogh, is not paying attention to politics this year. When I saw him a few days ago, he told me, “Mister, this election is not worth a bucket of horse hockey.”
“So true,” I retorted.
“Gosh, there are better candidates in the average high school student council election. At least they are more honest than Abraham Lincoln on his most honest day and are not influenced by lobbyists, big money donors, and consultants.”
“All I can tell you is do your civic duty and vote. And when you vote, just choose the best candidates.”
“But, but, I don’t know who are the best candidates.”
“Just play the game eeny meeny miny moe. Remember, most of them are a bunch of schmoes.”
While nearly everyone has been in a lather over politics during the past several weeks, I am more excited about the bouts taking place on UFC’s Fight Island. If politics was like the UFC, maybe it would garner my attention. It would be fun watching politicians take a stand and truly fight over issues rather than uttering the same old doublespeak and horse hockey they have uttering since George Washington was a pup.
Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day
Politics is the art of compromise and especially compromised individuals.