Twelve More Things That Bother Me During Christmas
1. Non-white Christmases. Christmas without snow is just not Christmasy.
2. Rudolph. My least favorite reindeer. Somehow, I wish someone would sing about Blitzen or Comet. I want to know what type of reindeer games they played without Rudolph.
3. Candy canes. Not my favorite candy. In fact, I think the much maligned Halloween candy corn tastes better than candy canes.
4. Hard candy. Even worse than the candy canes are Christmas hard candies that taste like medicine. They should be given out only to those kids who weren’t nice all year.
5. Card tables. If you were a kid, you would know about the indignity of sitting at a card table during the Christmas dinner while the adults sat at the family table. Not only that, you would drink watery Kool-Aid and eat the leftovers rather than drinking 86 proof eggnog and getting the first dibs on the main course.
6. Overly sentimental Hallmark holiday movies. I rather watch football, basketball, mixed martial arts, and even horseshoe tossing contests on the tube than Hallmark movies. Maybe I am an insensitive guy, but I just not into warm and fuzzy movies.
7. Dogs and cats wearing costumes. Uh-uh. Not funny nor cute.
8. Nude photos of Santa, Mrs. Claus, and the elves. Ugh.
9. Relatives singing “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth”. Worse than spending Christmas with your dentist to get the cavities in your two front teeth filled.
10. Two French hens. I would prefer two French chicks like Bridgette Bardot and Catherine Deneuve under my Christmas tree than two French hens.
11. Christmas telemarketers and companies sending junk mail. Not interested in buying your stuff, especially this time of the year.
12. Spending too much money for Clappers, Billy Bass plaques, fruitcake, and ugly sweaters. It is enough to turn a wannabe Santa Claus like me into a penny pincher like Ebenezer Scrooge. Maybe Scrooge wasn’t a nice guy during the Yuletide season. but at least he didn’t spend beaucoup bucks on beaucoup crappy gifts.
Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day
I want to let it snow only during the Christmas season.