An Ordinary Joe Classic: My Easter Parade Plus an Easter Poem

Posted by OrdinaryJoe - April 4, 2021 - Features - No Comments

It’s Easter!

Since the weather is so perfect for me and the Easter bunny to have some egg nog–whoops, wrong holiday, I am not in the mood to write about Easter. Instead, I am reissuing a classic post I did several years ago about my Easter parade. I hope you will enjoy it while you are eating jelly beans and Peeps, singing “Here Comes Peter Cottontail”, and doing the bunny hop plus other dances that Bunnies did at the Playboy Clubs back in the 1970s.

When I a child during the Stoner Age (the 1960s and 1970s), I was mesmerized watching Judy Garland belt out the Irving Berlin tune “Easter Parade”. Since Easter is here, “Easter Parade” has been popping up in my cranium for the past couple of days.

Then I began thinking–what if I organized an Easter parade? Who should I invite?

Naturally, I would have the Easter Bunny to hand out candy. However, my bunny would look like the Playboy rabbit rather than the colossal cutsey-poo hares sold in every department store. I want to attract the dirty old man demographic as well as kids.

Even though it would be great honor–or maybe dishonor, since politics disgusts me anymore–to have an ex-president of the United States in attendance, I don’t want Donald Trump–or, for that matter, Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, or even Abraham Lincoln impersonators–at my parade. My parade is to be a celebration of the Easter season, not a political fracas that will attract demonstrators of every stripe. Besides, the costs for Secret Service agents, the FBI, private jets, and food and lodging for political lackeys and groupies would be astronomical.

Marching bands are a must at any parade. But I only would hire professional Dixieland bands playing “Sweet Georgia Brown” and “When the Saints Come Marching In”. Fat four-eyed middle school trombonists, clarinetists and tubists performing off-key renditions of “America the Beautiful” and “Land of a Thousand Dances” should be sent off to reform school for a couple of months.

Of course, there will be pom-pom girls and baton-twirling majorettes. A little T&A will enlighten any parade.

A flotilla of floats will be a major highlight of my parade. And for a special touch, I would offer free root beer floats to everybody in the crowd.

What would be a parade without clowns, especially those begging for my vote on Election Day? I might even invite Judy Collins to sing “Send in the Clowns”.

As for motorcyclists, if they are Shriners wearing funny hats, yes. Watching them do figure eights is quite funny. But if they are gang members, no, unless the parade is held in a place like Sturgis, South Dakota.

Rather than having the usual organizations that march in parades like the Rotarians, the Jaycees, the Knights of Columbus, and the Boy and Girl Scouts, I would invite people from groups like the Mummers, the American Association of Amateur Gynecologists, Charlie Brown’s All-Stars, the Friends of Italian Opera (if you ever watched the movie Some Like It Hot, you know what I am talking about), the Naturist Society, and the Molly Maguires. They would make my parade interesting. However, I won’t invite druids, vampires, and zombies because my parade is about Easter. not Halloween.

Finally, my parade would need a grand marshal. I don’t want to sound presumptuous, but the grand marshal would be me. It’s my parade, and I want to lead all of the festivities.

I know this parade will probably never get off the ground. But if it ever does, I want it to be the biggest blowout since the days when the Caesars marched through Rome after annihilating postage stamp-sized countries.

In addition, I have created an Easter poem. I know it is something Shelley (Winters, not Percy Bysshe Shelley) might have written, but it is the thought (or maybe the lack of thought) that counts.

Roses are red
The Easter bunny is here
Handing out candy
And lots of good cheer
Except for dentists
Who will be handing out
Sky high bills
To get your cavities filled.

Happy Easter everybody!

Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day

We need a little Christmas plus a little Easter, too.

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