What to Do During My Vacation

Posted by OrdinaryJoe - May 30, 2021 - Features - No Comments

January 2 to Memorial Day is what I call the “all work and no play” portion of the year. There are no federal holidays except for Martin Luther King and Presidents Day (and pretty much only history buffs and political scientists pay attention to Presidents Day). Even worse, the weather is more often than not crummy. The Winter Wonderland of December becomes the Winter Pan in the Maximus Gluteus by the time the turkey buzzards return to Hinckley, Ohio. Unless you are a ski buff, a figure skater, a penguin, or a sled dog, you get tired being out in refrigerator-like temperatures week after week.

Of course, the first five months of the year has Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, Arbor Day, Mother’s Day, Groundhog Day, Opening Day, Super Bowl Sunday, Kentucky Derby Day, Oscars Day, Miss Universe Day, and Prom Day. However, these days are more like celebrations–or, in the cases of St. Patrick’s Day or Derby Day “decadent and depraved” bacchanalias–than full-blown holidays. Even Easter is technically not a holiday, largely because it falls on a Sunday.

But now that Memorial Day is here, it is time for a little R and R.

Trouble is what I want to do during my vacation.

I could go to a place like New Hampshire. I have never been to New Hampshire, but I have heard is is a lovely New England state. I could go to Dartmouth College and wear a Harvard T-shirt and sing “Boola Boola” (the Yale football song) to tick off students and professors.

I could to an European country that is far off the beaten path like Andorra. It would be fun visiting a country that sounds like a character from Bewitched.

I don’t want to go the tried and tried tourist traps spots like Las Vegas, Disneyland, Disney World, the Smokies, the Wisconsin Dells and Cruisin’ Chubby’s Gentlemen’s Club, Cancun, Yosemite, Waikiki Beach, Atlantic City, Coney Island, Gilligan’s Island, and Fantasy Island. Not only do I get claustrophobic being around hordes of sweaty people, the odor is enough to make Pepe Le Pew retch.

I can always stay home. I can get caught with the household chores, watch daytime television (though it just not the same without the trailer park trash brawls or “I Slept With My Uncle and My Third Cousin and My Boyfriend’s Little Sister” guests on the Jerry Springer Show), take three hours naps after three root beer lunches, eat gourmet Burger King and White Castle lunches and dinners, and do the same things I do during the winter months like reading Internet articles on the Kardashians or writing posts for this blog. However, there is only so much you can do during a “staycation” before you get bored, though you will pleased not spending sacks of money for a night at the Motel 6 Ritz Carlton or standing in line two hours for a five minute roller coaster ride at the Tawdry Ripoff Amusement Park.

To do or not to do, that is the question during my vacation time.

Joe’s Maybe Memorable Quote of the Day

Working during a vacation is about as logical as dieting during Thanksgiving.

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